Avens Dolor

Comments in red, as per usual. James spluttered and coughed dirt into his hand. He lay on the floor in front of his favorite tavern, “The Full Keg”. After a ...

The first thing I notice is that you say there is an empty void, and then you refer to the void as a person ("from his empty being"). So is ...

Well, for non-fiction a good summation never hurt anyone. As far as fiction is concerned... it really depends on the piece. Think about how you would feel as a reader--you ...

Comments in red. The northern sky was a dull uninteresting gray all the way to the horizon I'd take out "uninteresting". If something is "dull", it's probably also uninteresting. , ...

Comments in red. My name is Delihla Bee. I try to pretend that my family is at least semi-normal and some of the time it works! Cute concept, but I ...

Comments in red. //. Prologue The gates of hell sure didn't seem as scary as I thought it would. The ScapeGoat's head ScapeGoat? I'm not sure how I feel about ...

Must it have something to do with Opera directly? I mean, just because he's an actor doesn't necessarily mean that the only thing he values is in theater. It could ...

Small typo: The angel sighed prettily, but the smiled never left its perfect face. Should be "smile". I like to concept, but I feel like the high language is ill ...

The University of Oregon is gorgeous and has an excellent, excellent English program. I would be going there next year, but I (alas!) am not from Oregon and cannot afford ...

Comments in red. Wednesday, December 23, 2008 Time was of the essence. Every second that ticked by was another second lost. I think I would change the second line. The ...

Short but interesting. I would work on changing up your sentence structure, and varying the length because right now they almost all read "subject-verb-object". I like that you've bottled your ...

Comments in red. August 1735 My father's inn, The Gold Cannon , was crowded as usual, but my father was always able to make room. It was late, so I ...

Comments in red. When Gaia, now known as Earth Comma. came into existence, she bore a son. His name was Pontus. He was a mythological being who eventually created the ...

Back for more! Comments, as always, in red. I asked him multiple times. I can't call his name or face to mind, only his frown as he looked down at ...

Comments in red. Sometimes there is one image that is so burnt into your mind that it haunts you in your sleep as well as your waking hours. This is ...